Waking Up at 3am and Can’t Fall Back Asleep? It's more common than you think.
- Dec 28, 2025
- 4 min read
If you suffer from chronic insomnia it's really common to have those 3AM wakeups. Despite how common it is for people who are currently suffering from insomnia it can feel like there's something "wrong" with us. However it's not so much that there's anything inherently wrong with waking up at 3AM, it's what happens next: Your brain treats that wakefulness like a threat.
In this article will discuss what is and what isn't helpful when we have those 3AM wakings. Hopefully by the end of it you will realize that by making them less of a priority, we might get the relief that we are looking for.
Disclaimer: This content is for educational purposes only and is not medical advice. It is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any condition. Always consult a qualified healthcare professional for personalized medical guidance.
What to do at 3am when you can’t sleep
Stop barganing with the night.
Before we had insomnia we probably didn't think much about these early morning wakenings. We simply used the bathroom before going went back to bed. For whatever reason when our insomnia develops we give ourselves an obligation to start playing mental tricks to try and force ourselves to fall asleep. We don't need to start playing mental games to "figure out" how to sleep. We simply need to acknowledge that we are awake. That is all that is required of us.
Choose "rest" before "effort"
Like I said, our job is not to "solve" sleep. In fact, we don't really have a "job" in this sense. Nighttime is a peaceful time and place where we have no obligations to try and make sleep happen. Simply resting is more than enough for us. Maybe we won't sleep that time, but we can always rest.
What would you do if you didn't have insomnia?
Before your insomnia started there's a good chance you had a bad night of sleep. What did you do in this instance/. Chances are you didn't overthink it and did something that you'd rather do instead. Maybe this was read a book, watch a show or have a midnight snack. You most likely didn't make a strong effort to try and chase sleep.
Don't check the time
When we are suffering from insomnia it's usually unhelpful to check the time. It's particularly tempting to when we are experiencing those 3AM wakeups. This again is usually due to the fact that we want to make sure we are "safe". We want to make sure that we "got enough sleep" for tonight. This sort of outlook towards nighttime is usually unhelpful.
Why do I wake at 3am and can’t sleep?
It's not uncommon during insomnia for sleep to feel "lighter" as hyperarousal can make us more alert. This can make us prone to waking up easier.
However it's important to remember that waking in the middle of the night is normal. What makes this situation different however is the fact that the person with insomnia is trying to figure out why they can't sleep. This unfortunately often leads to a struggle because our brain has decided that wakefulness is "wrong" or "dangerous" for whatever reason (whether it be medical or performance or anything else).
How do I reduce cortisol at 3am?
It makes sense why cortisol becomes one of those terms we google in the middle of the night when we feel like we're having a difficult night of sleep. It makes the problem feel a lot more tangible to deal with.
"Once I figure out how to bring my cortisol levels down then surely sleep will happen."
The above thought is happening because it's driven by another thought:
"Being awake is a problem that requires fixing."
It can feel hopeful to have a tangible solution. It's a very seductive notion that we can simply take a pill or do a trivial activity and the problem goes away completely.
Since this is a fear based problem, what is usually the most helpful way to overcome this fear is to voluntarily confront it. In other words, instead of running away from wakefulness, embrace it more and more.
You don't need to run from something that you can be at peace with. You also are less likely to be overwhelmed by something you have made peace with (See my video on Befriending Wakefulness)
How do I stop my body from waking up at 3am?
Conterintuitively: by stopping to try to stop it.
We can't guarantee that we won't wake up at 3AM on any given night. However long term we can strive for much more nights that are much easier by repairing our relationship with sleep, where our sleep isn't the boss of the decisions we make during the day or the evening.
We don't let sleep be the focal point of every decision we make. Life should not serve our sleep. Sleep should serve our life.
Sources:
Insomnia to Peace. (n.d.). Befriending Wakefulness | The Ultimate Root-Cause Fix for Insomnia! [Video]. YouTube.
Comments